About a week ago I left on a solo trip. I was tapped out energetically with no more left to give. Not one drop. Nothing to my family, my friends, my business, let alone myself. If someone had asked me even one more question or if I was required to make one more decision I may have been pushed over the edge.
Recently, it had been suggested to me that I should go on a solo trip to clear my mind, rest, and restore my whole being. When it was first suggested I thought "no way! When would I be able to clear my calendar for any amount of time, let alone a few days?". As I come to find out, it is exactly then that it's not about finding the time, but rather about creating the time in your schedule.
When I was in a therapy session she had asked me, "how did you get here?", 'here' being a place of total bone drying exhaustion. Good question. A little back story on just how that happened.
There are times throughout the year where my business schedule requires quite a bit of energy output on my behalf and there are times that it doesn't. This August and September was going to be a 6 week run of high output. Earlier, in July, when I had expected to have down time to rest and restore I lost my dog of 16 years. Her passing brought on more grief than I could have ever imagined. She had been with me for my entire adult life. She felt like an extension of my soul in tiny dog form. Now, I needed to spend time holding space for not only my own big emotions about the loss, but also hold space for my children who had only known life with her in it.
Then about a month later, as many of you know, my mom was in an accident that left her with a spinal cord injury and paralysis from the chest down. To say the events of that evening were traumatic is an understatement. The amount of shock and grief that was added to my system was more than I thought I would ever have to feel in a lifetime - nor do I ever want to feel again.
This accident happened the same weekend as the start of my 6 week push of events. While the distraction of my schedule was welcomed at first, I was then pushed into survival mode. Now, if you've ever been pushed into survival mode it is not a pretty place to be. You are merely existing. It might seem like an ok place because you keep trucking along, but coming out of it is a bear and sometimes a life long process.
Fast forward through 6 weeks of survival mode with high output work on all levels - mentally, emotionally, physically, and I am done. At this point I don't even recognize myself because the weight of everything that has unfolded is starting to sit not only on my mind, but on my heart as well. I feel like there is a cloud around my head and a veil over my eyes.
I am sitting in the tub talking to my husband as tears roll down my face and I say I have nothing left. I am absolutely drained and need to be alone. Not surprisingly he asks what I need and the only thing I could think of to say was to "run away". At first, he was a bit taken aback and needed some clarity, but was supportive of my decision to leave for a few days on my solo trek into the woods.
I knew I needed to connect with nature to refuel my energetic tank and to come back to my soul. My soul needed to feel the connection to complete nurturing supportive energy which is what I find when I'm in the woods. My spiritual side feels deeply connected to a Divine Mother and when the wind is blowing through my hair and the Earth is beneath my feet I can feel her healing presence. That and 13 hours of uninterrupted sleep does wonders for a tired soul.
I had planned to do all kinds of brainstorming and brain dumping, planning and organizing my thoughts and ideas while I was away. What really happened was a release, an exhale and the ability to find stillness again. A place without expectation and without a need of me to output anything. I had no desire to do anything, but just lay there doing absolutely nothing. Then when I felt like my rest quota had been fulfilled, the ideas came flooding in. The energy started moving again and the veil that had been over my eyes lifted.
When we can find stillness not only in our minds, but in our bodies and our life we leave room for the magic to enter, for the healing to happen.
Now, I know that it isn't always practical or doable to go away for a few days in the middle of the week, but when was the last time you checked your energetic output vs. your energetic input? When was the last time you stopped, found stillness and allowed yourself to just be? In silence, with not outside stimulation. How can we cultivate more of these moments in our regular schedule so we don't have to take a solo trip to the middle of the woods to find ourselves again?
My biggest take away is this - we are all worthy of a break, worthy of the energetic support, space, and time that we need to feel whole again and when we open ourselves up to receive the grace of rest and rejuvenation, it rushes in. Bringing with it healing to every cell of our being.
My hope is that you too cultivate time for solitude in your calendar and in your life. May you breathe deeper, find your place of rest, and open yourself to receive the healing energy you so deserve.
Much love and gratitude,